Chapter 1: The Light Comes On (Part Two)

Hey everyone it's been a while. I've been getting sidetracked but I'm back on course now! I'm going through a little bit more of chapter one (probably not much though because even the next little section is jam packed full of life changing information!).

Dear Lord,

Thank you for your patience with me. I know that I have been off course for a while, but I am trying to keep my focus on you. Thank you for your gentle reminders that you are here and still waiting God. Help me today to understand you more and understand myself better. Continue to work in me. I love you.

In your name I pray, Amen.

*Sigh* Okay. I think today might be a little rough because it talks about honesty... something I've definitely had a hard time with. Here we go!

The Light Comes On

Honesty. When I think "honesty", I think about my honesty with others. My parents, family, and friends. I guess I never really thought about what it truly means to be honest with the Lord, or with myself for that matter. This next passage talks about what God has to say about it.

"...God does not want us to be superficial in our relationship with Him, with others, or in our own lives. David wrote, 'Surely you desire truth in the inner parts; you teach me wisdom in the inmost place' (Ps. 51:6 NIV). The Lord desires truth and honesty at the deepest level... experiencing His love does not mean that all of our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors will be pleasant and pure. It means that we can be real, feeling pain and joy, love and anger, confidence and confusion." (McGee, pg.4)

I think it's funny, how I try and fake my emotions with God. He can see it all anyways! But the one thing that comes to mind from this section, more than anything, is my ability to be honest with myself. *Sigh* I'm honestly on the verge of tears right now. 'The Lord desires truth and honesty at the DEEPEST level'... just resonates in my mind. Everything on my inside is really just a product of trying to cover up the true hurt I've felt for years. I find that the more I try to mask it, the worse it becomes. God is truth, and the more the truth that shines through all the barriers I've created, the more of the real hurt seems to come out. But, man, the beauty of the last part of this passage... we can be REAL. God doesn't say to me... "Ashlynd, you need to be happy and perfect at all times. You can't be sad or angry, that's ungodly". He says instead, " Ashlynd, I know you're hurting! I can see it! I saw it before it ever even happened. It's OKAY to feel that way. Let me heal that." Just... wow. Definitely having a moment with the Lord right now.

The chapter goes on to explain how the Psalms give us insight into what it truly means to be honest with the Lord. McGee gives examples of David's many varying passages. Sometimes, he expressed his anger towards others or how he felt abandoned by God. He communicated despair towards situations and towards the Lord. He also wrote about his love for God and how he trusted God and praised Him. David was EMOTIONAL! Just like me :) Following these passages, McGee says...

"These passages demonstrate that God, who spoke of David as a man after his own heart, wants us to be open and honest with Him about all of our emotions, not just the pleasant ones." (Mcgee, pg.6)

WOW! God spoke of David as being a man after His own heart... after God's own heart! I read some of the Psalms and the honesty of David and the way he felt and his range of emotion is really not something I've seen so blatantly displayed anywhere else in scripture. And for God to say that David's heart mirrors His own means that the Lord does indeed feel emotion. Jesus was fully God AND fully man, meaning he experienced the anger, hurt, suffering, sadness, and obviously even joy and happiness that I have felt. He understands. God calls us not to fake our feelings with Him. I guess reading about David talking to the Lord like this kind of reminds me of talking to my mom or my friend. I can just vent to Him, and say hey... God this really sucks right now. I'm pretty mad that this happened or I'm pretty sad. Why did you allow this all to happen God? And He does not get upset when I do that! That is what He wants. It's just brings a whole new level to the depth of my relationship with Christ.

Even though this was just a little passage from the entire book, God really used it to speak to me today. I've experienced too many lies in my life, from myself and others and it's just marvelous that God expects total honesty from me. He is my friend... my dad and He wants me to tear down those walls and let Him in.

Dear God,

It is so wonderful when you speak to me Lord. Every day you break down a little more of the wall that I built to keep you out. I'm experiencing you in ways that I never thought to before, and learning more about your characteristics and how you can relate to me. Thank you for being my friend and genuinely wanting to know how I feel. You could be a tyrannical God, but instead you choose to be a personal God. I love you Lord. Help me to be honest with you from now on.

In your name I pray, Amen.

I am hoping that I choose to continue to make this a DAILY practice. This journey is not by any means an easy one, but I'm taking my time and dissecting this story piece by piece. It's just mind-blowing that God can speak to me so much in such a tiny portion of text. Continue to pray please!